Did You Ever Wonder?
by Millie M. Banshee
Summary: Did you ever wonder why Father Abel Nightroad never really held mass for the general public? This is based on true stories from my own Catholic priest and my best friend’s Baptist preacher. There will be some slight exaggeration and insanity will ensue.
1. It Starts With Some Time Off

Did You Ever Wonder?

Chapter 1

It starts with some time off

(A/N I had this idea for a while now. I'm home sick with a bad cold so I decided to finally write it. I hope you enjoy this story.)

SUM: Did you ever wonder why Father Abel Nightroad never really held mass for the general public? This is based on true stories from my own Catholic priest and my best friend's Baptist preacher. There will be some slight exaggeration and insanity will ensue.

Disclaimer: I don't own Trinity Blood but I wish I did.

**SOUNDS/sounds**

_Thoughts_

* * *

(Catherina's Office. "Time Off")

Abel stood nervously in front of Lady Catherina as she rubbed the sides of her head. It was unlike Abel to ask for so much time off like this. She really needed him out in the field, but considering nothing major lately had happened perhaps Abel was entitled to a little R and R.

However, what he asked to do in his spare time puzzled her. He actually wanted a chance hold mass with one of the local churches. She wondered how much Abel remembered considering she never really remembered a time where he actually did hold a mass.

"Why do you want to hold mass again?" she asked, raising a thin blonde eyebrow.

"I just think it would be a nice change of pace," Abel told her truthfully. "I mean I never really had real chance."

"Is this why you're asking for time off?" she mused and Abel bit his lip. "Abel, I think you're better suited for the field than an actual sermon."

"I only want to give it a try," he responded, looking pitiful. "Please, your Eminence?!"

"Fine, Abel, do whatever you wish," she sighed in defeat. "But you know as soon as something major comes up it will back to the field. Understand?"

"Oh, yes, of course I fully understand," Abel beamed with a large smile. "Thank you so very much!"

_Why do I have a feeling that I made a big mistake?_ Catherina mused as Abel practically skipped out of her office.

* * *

(1st Mass. "First Communion")

His first mass he was so excited. It was actually fun mostly because it was different for him. He was doing a mighty fine job. That was until he got to the Communion. He started out all right but as it went on his mind started to waver.

"Before he was given up to death, a death he freely accepted, he took the bread and—and—" Abel froze. This was one of the most important parts and now he was screwing up. "And—oh no…"

Everyone was waiting for him to finish. This was so embarrassing. Abel could feel his face turn warm which meant he was blushing. Finally the old deacon stood and walked up to Abel and whispered something his ear before sitting down.

"And gave you thanks. He broke the bread and gave it to his disciples and said: Take this, all of you, and eat it: this is my body which will be given up for you," Abel finished and lifted up the host to the congregation. "When supper was ended, he took the cup. Again he—uh… When supper was ended, he took the cup. Again he—again he…"

Not again! He's been to mass enough times to remember this stuff! It was on the tip of his tongue. His face was growing warmer than before. He heard the deacon get up again and whisper the last bit in his ear yet again.

"Again he gave you thanks and praise, gave the cup to his disciples, and said: Take this, all of you, and drink from it: This is the cup of my blood, the blood of the new and everlasting covenant. It will be shed for you and for all men so that sins may be forgiven. Do this in memory of me," Abel finished as lifted the chalice up the congregation. "Let us proclaim the mystery of faith."

"Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come again," the people proclaimed.

Abel's face remained a nice shade of red for the remainder of the mass. That was so embarrassing. He just wanted to go back to his room at the Vatican and curl up in his bed and not come out for a good long while.

* * *

(2nd Mass. "Wardrobe Malfunction")

Well, with the exception of having a brain fart during his first mass at communion this time he made sure to memorize what to say fully. However, as he entered the chapel and started towards alter he stumble for a second on his vestments. He quickly caught himself before he fell.

He stopped at the alter, before kneeling in respect, and stood back up. He froze when he realized he was standing on the back of his vestment and pulled the collar tight around his throat. The deacon quickly pulled Abel's robes out from under his feet, noting how the priest looked a bit blue in the face.

Abel grinned at the deacon and the elderly deacon shook he head. This priest was an idiot all he to do was step forward. Abel started up the pulpit, which consisted all of three steps only to succeed in tripping on his vestments going up the steps, and hitting his head on the marble alter.

Snickers and chuckles from the congregation were heard from behind him. Abel slowly stood up and lifted up his robes as though they were a skirt just get up the last two steps. While Abel had his back to the congregation he reached up to feel where he had hit his head. It wasn't bleeding thank God but there was a nice sized welt smack in the middle of his forehead.

An alter boy looked at him with some concern. He slowly moved toward Father Abel.

"Do you need some ice, Father?" he whispered.

"I'm okay, thank you. Sorry about that everyone. I'm all right and nothing is broken. _I really hope._" Abel said as he turned to the congregation and made the sign of the Cross. "In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

"Amen," the People finished.

Abel he felt a bit awkward having the large welt in the middle of his forehead. He knew it was bright red and most likely turning black and blue. It all felt the congregation was staring right at the welt which did not help.

Mass went over quite well he didn't forget anything this time. However, during the closing ceremony as he started down the pulpit he trip yet again this time taking all three steps on his butt. The congregation started laughing again. This was just not his day.

* * *

(3rd Mass. "Strip Tease")

Okay this was going to be better. He still had everything memorized and this time he had a shorter set of vestments so not to trip. He was learning. This time nothing should go wrong and nothing did until about half way through.

"The peace of the Lord be with you always," Abel said.

"And also with you," the congregation responded.

"Let us offer each other the sign of peace," Abel said as the congregation started to shaking each other's hands and giving hugs to their close friends and family.

Abel walked off the pulpit and started shaking hands with some of the people. But stopped when he noticed a girl about 15 or so trying to pull her purse off her shoulder.

"I'm stuck," she said, looking at Father Abel. "The strap's caught on something."

"Well, let see how to get you unstuck," he said, trying to help her. "How are we going to do this?"

Abel grabbed hold of the purse and started to pull up, not realizing he started to take the shirt with the purse. He got the purse almost over he head when he and the girl both realized that her shirt was showing off more than her bare belly.

Abel's face went from his normal pale tone to a bright pink. He quickly pulled back down her shirt, which finally pulled her purse free. The girl wrapped her arms snuggly around the front of her shirt.

"I-I am so sorry," he told her in a panic, not even daring to look at her. "I didn't mean to look! I—I mean I didn't see—anything! I… Oh, boy."

Abel slowly backed up from the girl and when back to the pulpit. Somehow, he knew Catherina was going to hear about this one.

* * *

(Catherina's Office. "1st Warning")

Catherina just started daggers at Abel as he kept explaining to her that the whole shirt thing was an accident. Grant it the whole thing was an accident like he was telling her but still… Only Able could manage to do something like that.

"Abel, will you stop apologizing?" She stated more than asked finally shutting him up. "It was an accident, I know. Thought you're the only person I know who could pull something like that."

"Yeah, but…" he started and put Catherina put a hand up to stop him.

"Abel, this was one reason why I think you should stay in the field," Catherina explained. "I know you meant well but you did expose her to everyone at the church."

"Give me another chance," he begged her.

"I wasn't going to make stop preaching, Abel, I was just going to tell you to not slip up again with something like that," Catherina explained. "Now get out of here. I have other things to tent to."

"Yes, ma'am," Abel said, walking back out the door.

"Why do I get the feeling it only get worse from here?" She asked herself.

* * *

(1st Church Meeting. "Gavel Problems")

Father Tom, who was usually head of Holy Family Church, was a little weary of Father Abel. Father Abel just seemed to be such an idiot, but he was ordered by Cardinal Catherina to give Abel a chance. After all Abel wasn't doing all this on purpose. So he decided to give Abel a chance at holding a church meeting. Something simple couldn't hurt. He hoped.

Father Tom sat behind Abel at the pulpit. He wanted to keep a close eye on bumbling priest. Not that he didn't trust Father Abel; he was just being cautious. Every thing started off nicely until Abel noticed a gavel on the podium. Abel's eyes started wandering to the gavel more and more as the meeting continued.

Slowly Abel reached for the fine wooden gavel and picked it up, all the while going over some church activities for the week. He started to pass the wooden gavel from one hand to the next. Back and forth and back and forth. Every now then lightly tapping it on the podium.

Father Tom groaned as he watched Abel play around the gavel but held his tongue. Maybe, having something to toy with while standing up there was a stress reliever. After all one of people's biggest fears is public speaking. So, Father Tom just let it go.

"Okay, on Wednesday the Church is holding a fun raiser for St. Joseph Children's Orphanage here at the church. There will be games and raffles for all ages. We ask that some of you help out our Knights of Columbus in running some of the booths and preparing the food for the event," Abel spoke aloud as he twirled the gavel around in right hand. "The church is hoping to raise 5,000 Dinars. All money of course will go to the orphanage. So, please come and bring some more friends and family with you; as they say, 'the more the merrier,' right?"

Abel then moved on to the decision of having some type of pet for the Sunday school kids to take care of. Many ideas were given from hamsters to an iguana. In the end they just decided on some gold fish.

The meeting dragged on. Nothing too bad went down luckily, that was until Abel started to get a little carried away with gavel in his hands. Now Father Tom was getting worried, considering Abel just hit himself in the head with it, right where he had hit his head on alter not long ago. Everyone cringed. They could clearly hear wood hitting bone.

Abel had tears in his eyes and rubbed the sore spot on his forehead. Of all the rotten luck. Abel put the gavel down and started talking again. He swore to himself he wouldn't pick the gavel back up. However, a few minutes later the gavel was back in his hands going back and forth and twirling this way and that way. Suddenly the gavel flew out his hands and out into people. Everyone ducked.

**KA-THUNK!!**

Abel's heart was in his throat. Luckily the gavel hit an area of a pew that was empty but the fact still remained that he nearly took out an elderly lady about 80 or so. Abel walked off the pulpit with a nervous and embarrassed grin and up to the elderly lady.

"Ma'am, I'm so sorry," he apologized, rubbing the back of his head. "You're not hurt are you?"

"Hurt? You could have kill me, you idiot," the old lady snapped.

"I know I'm sorry—"

"You're sorry?! What would you have done if that thing had hit me? Well, young man? Out with it! Cat got you tongue! Answer me!"

Abel just stood there gawking at her. He was getting chewed out by an old lady. And him a "young man?" He only looked young but she didn't need to know he was over 900. A man behind the lady reached over the back of the pew and handed Abel back the gavel. Abel quietly thanked him and started to leave.

"Where are you going, young man?!" the only woman snapped at Abel.

Abel, however, didn't answer and walked back up to the pulpit and to the podium and started talking again. This time he was going to make sure he wasn't going to lay another finger on the gavel and he didn't until the end of the meeting.

"This meeting has ended," Abel said, lifting the gavel up only to have it fly backwards out of his hand.

Father Tom took a flying leap out of his chair so not get hit, however—

**CRAAAAASSSHHH!!**

Abel froze. He didn't move and he didn't breathe. His eyes were the size of dinner plates and his lips were pressed tightly together. The people before him had the same look on their faces. A strong warm breeze hit the back of Abel. This was very bad.

"NIGHTROAD!" Father Tom yelled and Abel swallowed the knot in his throat.

Abel slowly turned around to see Father Tom sitting on his rump glaring at him but Abel's eyes quickly went to the shattered stain-glass window behind him. It was destroyed. Oh, boy, he was going to get it good.

"That was a new window," Tom bit out. "We've only had it for 2 months!"

"What happened to old one," Abel asked, pulling at his collar and Tom stood up and marched up to him. "I didn't mean to do it!"

"A child got a hold of one of those flagpoles and started playing with it," Tom told him as people quickly left.

"I see, so the child hit the window," Abel said with an awkward grin.

"Not exactly. But that's not the point," Tom snapped. "I hope Lady Catherina can pay to have this window to be fixed!"

"So, how did it brake," Abel mused.

"I took the pool from the kid and hit the window by mistake," Tom grumbled.

"Well, then maybe you shouldn't put a window there," Abel grinned as Tom fought the urge to hit him.

Catherina was livid about the window but it was an accident and she did pay to have it fixed. Now there was brand new window of Jesus on the cross behind the pulpit. Abel was thankful that Catherina didn't short him his pay for a while.

(A/N That's the end of that chapter I hope you like it. Buh Bye. )

Millie M. Banshee


	2. First Communion

Did You Ever Wonder?

Chapter 2

First Communion

(A/N Well this is the 2nd chapter I hope you enjoy this one like that last.)

**SOUNDS/sounds**

_Thoughts_

* * *

(RCO HQ)

Contra Mundi sat at his large pipe organ, playing a classic tune with eerie melody. It always seemed to calm him down. One of his plans had been thwarted yet again about a week ago and he was still angry about it. So he played his organ as he waited for a fairly new member of his Orden arrived.

"You called for me, Sire?" A dark blue haired Methuselah asked with a bow.

"Ah, Radu, how nice to see you. I have a job for you," Cain said, turning around on the bench to look at the rookie. "I want you to spy on a priest named Abel Nightroad. He's currently in Rome. I want you to find him. Don't engage him just follow and watch him."

"That's all, Milord?" Radu blinked.

"Hm, yes, that will do for now," Cain said. "I just want to know what he's up to."

"As you wish," Radu said with a bow and left.

* * *

(4th Mass. "And God said, 'Let there be light!'")

Radu walked into the church that he heard about where Abel currently was ministering to. He was going to an evening service. He really didn't want to be here but it was an order to keep an eye on Abel. So Radu took a seat towards the back so not to be spotted. He really didn't want to be here. A Methuselah in a church service? How absurd can things get?

He got as comfortable as one could get in a wooden pew. He could see Abel at the front towards the pulpit before mass got under way. This was going to be torture he could tell. That was until he spotted Abel trying to light a tall candle beside the alter. Abel had lit the end the wick of the candle from the light on a long pole, but as he watched, the wick on end of the pole would not blow out nor could Abel draw the wick back within the rod to snuff it out. This was a riot trying to watch Abel, an alter boy, and the deacon tried to blow out the wick.

This gave Radu an idea. Perhaps, this service wasn't going to be so boring after all. Oh, he was so evil! Everyone got settled for mass to begin. He decided to wait until the opening prayer.

"Let us pray," Abel said as everyone stood quietly.

During this brief moment Radu carefully looked around to make sure no one was watching him. He raised his hand slightly and concentrated the candle's flame and put it out. He noticed Abel was looking slightly at the candle and the priest let out a sigh.

"O Lord, help us to love you so that we may imitate you," Abel begin as he lit the candle again. "We ask you this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever."

"Amen," the people spoke.

By end of this Mass Abel was not going to like that candle and Radu was going to make sure of it. Now it was time for the first reading and everyone sat to listen. This was boring. The only person standing was the reader at the podium. Radu slowly lifted his hand again and put out the flame once more. He wanted to know how long it took someone to light it this time. He just had to wait.

"This is the Word of the Lord," spoke the reader.

"Thanks be to God," the people responded and everyone stood.

Abel relit the candle again. Radu was getting a small kick out of this. Now it was time for the Gospel and the old Deacon stood up from his seat and went to the podium.

"The Lord be with you," the deacon spoke opening the bible.

"And also with you," the congregation answered.

"A reading from the holy gospel according to Luke," the deacon began.

"Glory to you, Lord," the people responded the deacon begin to read.

Radu decided to wait awhile to put out the flame again. He didn't want his fun to end too soon by irritating Abel too quickly so he wouldn't play his game anymore. Mass slowly moved on they were only half through the Profession of Faith when the candle went out again.

"…For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate; he suffered, died, and was buried," everyone recited as Abel lit the blasted candle yet again, looking a little irritated. "On the third day he rose again in fulfillment of the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father…"

And it continued on; and of course Radu was just hem-hawing it as those around continued the Profession of Faith. Then the offering baskets started going around. He put a few dinars out of his pocket into the basket and passed it on. He yawned. What a bore. Now it was the beginning of Communion.

"Before he was given up to death, a death he freely accepted, he took the bread and gave you thanks. He broke the bread and gave it to his disciples and said: Take this, all of you, and eat it: this is my body which will be given up for you," Abel said lifting up the host and watched the candle go out yet again. _I'm going to kill me a candle. I swear I am._

Abel continued on with Eucharistic Prayer. He just decided to leave the candle alone. He was getting tired of relighting it over and over again. Now it was time for the Lord's Prayer.

"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come; thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven," Abel and people spoke in harmony but out of the corner of Abel's eye he could see the candle light itself. "Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."

"Deliver us, Lord, from every evil, and grant us peace in our day," Abel said alone and the candle went out again and Abel turned to look at it with a scowl. " In your mercy keep us free from sin and protect—(the candle lit up again)—us from all anxiety as we wait in joyful hope for the coming—(the candle went out again)—of our Savior, Jesus Christ."

"For the Kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours, now and for ever," the people recited as the candle lit again and Abel's eye began to twitch in anger.

Radu knew he was getting under Nightroad's skin. He was trying to hold in his laughter. Now it was time for the Sign of Peace. Radu wasn't too fond of having to shake hands with the Terran but he didn't want to seem out of place in the church. He looked back at the pulpit to see Abel just staring at the irate candle.

Abel just decided to put the candle out to keep it from lighting and going out. He licked his index finger and thumb, and stood on his tiptoes and put his wet fingers on the wick and rubbed a little to make sure the flame was smothered. Now it was time for the breaking of the bread and Abel recited the prayer before communion quietly to himself. Now it was time for Communion.

"This the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. Happy are those who are called to his supper," Abel spoke alone before everyone else joined in. "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed."

This was going to be Radu's first Communion. He snorted at the idea. Abel and the deacon each grabbed and plate full of hosts and walked to front of the pulpit as two older alter boys each took a chalice as one stood beside Abel and another stood beside the deacon.

Slowly people moved down the long aisle but soon it was time for Radu's row to stand and move towards the pulpit. He watched to see what other people were doing before he arrived for his "first communion." Radu placed his right hand on his left as he neared Abel and the deacon. Now he was standing right in front of Abel as Abel picked up a host and held it out to Radu.

"The body of Christ." Abel said giving Radu an odd look. _A Methuselah, here?_

"A-amen," Radu said as Abel set the host in Radu's right palm.

He put the thin dry piece of bread in his mouth. Radu then moved over to the alter boy.

"The blood of Christ." The alter boy said, holding out the chalice.

"Amen," Radu said, taking the chalice of wine and took a sip as the candle lit up again and then handed the chalice back to the alter boy.

Radu then went back to his seat and stood silently like the Terran around him. He took a quick look back at the pulpit to see Abel just glaring at the candle as if silently saying, "you son of a bitch." This was priceless, really. Abel then turned back to the congregation.

"Let us pray," Abel said, glaring at the candle as it went out and everyone bowed their heads in silence. _What's the deal with that candle? Why does it keep doing that?!_

This was hysterical watching Able get mad at the candle. In any case he could tell Contra Mundi a good way to get under Abel's skin when he returned

"Through Christ our Lord," Abel said at the end of silent prayer.

"Amen," the people chanted and the candle lit again.

Finally mass had ended and Radu couldn't wait to leave. This was ridiculous to be here in the first place. Radu did his mission and he was going back home to tell Contra Mundi. He also swore he was not going back to a church after this.

* * *

(RCO HQ)

"Well, that's pretty much it," Radu said retelling Contra Mundi everything that happened while he was tracking Abel in Rome. "He was just holding mass."

"I see, well, that's a bit boring, however…" Contra Mundi said with a particular grin. "I must know, how was your first communion?"

"Ha-ha," Radu snorted in a deadpan tone.

"You do know that taking communion is completely optional," Contra Mundi stated. "Oh! You didn't know that, did you?"

Radu remained totally quiet. His face was growing red from anger, but mostly from sheer embarrassment.

"I didn't think so," Contra Mundi sighed. "Oh, well…"

"Ha-ha! Radu got communion! Ha-ha!" Someone called from outside the room.

"Shut up, Dietrich!" Radu hissed.

"I'm sorry but that was funny," Cain laughed, putting a hand over his mouth.

"We're going to be making jokes about this for a while," Isaak said, walking by the door. "You better get use to it."

"Not you, too!" Radu grumbled as he stood with arms crossed. He was practically pouting. "Damn it to hell! _Great! Just great! Let's have everybody pick on the new guy!_"

"By the way, could you trial Able again for me? You seemed to have such a fun time doing it the first time," Cain mused with a dirty grin as Radu shook with anger.

"IS THIS A JOKE?!" (1)

(A/N Yes, while at church somethings like this did happen. One time we had an igniter that Father Tom could not blow out or draw back into the pole to snuff it out. Another time poor Father had to fight with the candle. It wouldn't light and after a while he finally got it to light. It went out 3 times and after the 3rd time it went out he basically just gave up on it and a few minutes later it ignited itself. Father Tom just stared at it as if was going to get up and do a jig in the middle of mass.)

(1) This IS a joke from the Trinity Blood Graphic Novel Vol. IV (4) with Brother Petros on the front cover. If you have read this book you very may well know about this joke. If you haven't read it… Well, at the end of the book they have a set of shorts with the book creators drawn as part of the TB cast. One of the panels makes fun of Radu in act 16 of Vol. 4 saying, "is this a joke" followed by the artist, Kiyo Kyujo (Petros), and his assistants (Radu and Hugue) say different things like "Kyujo-san. Some of the manuscript hasn't been inked between the tones yet." And Kiyo responds with, "Is this a joke?!" As so it goes…

Millie M. Banshee


End file.
